ugh. finally!?

yes. i have done it.
i am sorta semi ashamed.
i gave into peer pressure.
and got a tumblr!
i was frustrated i couldnt comment on ppls tumblrs!
my blogs are like tumbles anyway.
that's me trying to justify mahself.

http://aileenwithit.tumblr.com

for your enjoyment.
maybe i shall post more often...

dirty

yeah, that's right, Jesus.
I'm kicking and screaming at you right nahh
and struggling to hang on and also to let go.

what are you going to do about this, Jesus?
i am such a mess...

blast from the past

i realized that.
sometimes i try to erase people
from my past.
as if clicking that 'delete' button on facebook
will forever and ever delete them from my mind
and erase those memories hidden away in the back of my brain.

and then i freak out
when God sometimes brings these people
BACK into my life.
and forces me to confront them,
and ask all the tough, awkward questions
and forces me to CARE
and to LOVE.
and to learn to LOVE.
and he asks me,
"why are you trying to force them out
when i'm not done with you and ______, yet?
don't you trust that
i'm bigger than your ideas, conceptions, memories,
mistakes, hurts, miscommunications?"

oh, God, won't you bring restoration
to my past. thanks.

i love

watching MOBILIZATION happen.
seeing people and things come together.
simply because i took a few steps of obedience,
sacrificing and possibly risking my time and efforts.

But God is so good, because He doesn't meet me halfway.
He meets me FULLway.

Jesus, you DO answer prayers,
and it's so LOVELY to see that!

alleluiah!
alleluiah!
alleluiiahh!
your love makes me sing. (:

i think that

i want to be an initiator of change.

hummm

i think i quit my blog.
sorry blog.

probably because real life is so much better
than living out loud on the internet.
so i quit.
for now...
but we'll see...

it's a sister thing...

so my sister,
for her "about me" section on facebook
has this:
"i make mistakes.
im out of control
&at times hard to handle.
but if you cant handle me at my worst,,
then you sure as heck dont deserve me at my best."
and im always impressed!
that she put a warning label on her fb profile
yet people are still friends with her.
thats just how awesome she is!!

it always makes me think about what i would say
about myself, if i had such a label...

probably something like this:
"i am radical,
im blind-sighted
& always have words for everything,
but if the worst of me is all you see,,
then you'll never know me at my best."
hmmm.... not as threatening.... x)