the mirror.

The 'me' I see inside this mirror
right now, right at this moment in time,
is a whole different person
from the 'me' I was back before June 1.
Yes, I am different outwardly --
I have a new hairstyle,
a new ring and jewelry,
more fashionable clothes
and stylish shoes,
a different shade of skin from a tan
or lack thereof,
a few more bruises on my arms and shoulders,
maybe even different manner of speaking...
But inwardly,
I don't think I would be able to say
that I am that same girl who left California
for Korea, hesitantly, awkwardly, on June 1, 2009.

If you were to ask me how my summer was,
rather than to say, "It was good,"
I would have to say, as silly as it sounds,
"It was God."

I've learned SO much this summer.
I've had a packed summer
full of schedules, struggles, and scandals.
From the Philippines mission trip
to Centrifuge
to Yonsei Summer School and my granparents home
to my home and home church...
I've wrestled with everything from identity
to relationships
to seeking God
to finding home
to teaching kids.
But one thing that's been a constant in my summer
has been the fingerprints of God.
Looking back,
I see them EVERYWHERE.
I see Him EVERYWHERE.
I know for certain now.
there has not been a moment wasted,
a tear wasted,
a situation wasted....
God turned all those things into
a beautiful flow of events,
teaching me and guiding me.
All the while, whispering in my ear, "I love you,"
and healing my beat up, torn up heart.
Praise God for prayers answered.

In the end, I think I can say.
This has been the hardest summer of my life.
But also the most worth while.
And I know that I am just a little bit stronger
if not a little bit smarter than I was before.
And definitely more prepared for what's to come...

TIME: is of the essence

in His time
in His time
He makes all things beautiful
in His time
Lord please show me every day
as You're teaching me Your way
that You do just what You say
in Your time

could i talk to You?
are You listening?
would You let me ask the questions
that burn inside of me?
i am reaching out.
i am holding on.
feel like one of Your affections
but not quite like i belong...