struggle with my self

I'm not that girl.
I never was.
Nor will I ever be.
I'm not that girl who clings to untruth as if it is truth itself.
I'm not that girl who refuses to give up on the one thing that keeps tripping her up.
I'm not that girl whose world revolves around a certain guy.
I'm not that girl.
I'm not that girl who lets herself feel worth according to how many or how much people like her.
I'm not that girl.
I'm not that girl who hangs on to worldly material possessions.
I'm not that girl.
I'm not that girl who lets her heart get trampled on by standing by and watching.
I'm not that girl who's afraid to stand up and speak up for what I believe in because I'm scarred of what THEY will say.
I'm just not that girl.
Neither am I that girl who compares herself with others and shrinks back because she feels inadequate.
I'm not that girl... anymore.
I'm that girl who stands strong in her status as God's beautiful and precious daughter, whom he loves VERY much.
I'm that girl who will put God above all else.
I'm that girl who cares not what others say, but only cares what her audience of 1 will say.
I'm that girl who takes it all in stride because she knows God's got her back.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who is never shaken in faith by the darts of Satan, the world, and fleshly desires.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who will risk her life for Jesus and others, no hesitation.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who is bold and courageous, never afraid to step into the unknown.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who pours out her heart into everything she does because her husband, Jesus did so.
I'm that girl who who loves Jesus first and always, no matter how unpopular that makes her.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who is more than a conqueror and breaks sin.
I'm that girl who is strong in herself just because of who her heavenly Father is.
I'm that girl.
I'm that girl who is experiencing the living, breathing, moving God daily,
and it is evident to everyone who meets her.
I'm that girl.
<3

answer to my prayers.

f a l l i n g on my knees
in worship
giving all i am
to seek Your face.
Lord, all i am is Yours.

my whole life
i place in Your hands.
God of mercy
humbled i bow down...
in Your presence
at Your throne.

i called.
You answered.
And You came to my rescue
and i
i wanna be where You are...

He speaks to me.
He calls to me.
He comes to my rescue and says,
"Child, why do you fear?
I am here."

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

words that seem to disappear.

I just wrote a whole thing about how I feel.
I copied it, ctrl+C.
I pasted, ctrl+V.
And it didn't appear.
Apparently words disappear into thin air.
Maybe that's symbolic of actual words...
They are meaningless.
They are nothing.
If not backed up by the more important stuff.
Like actions.
Like love.

If my heart is deceitful above all things.
and desperately wicked.
And if I strive to follow in Jesus' footsteps
and have a heart like His...
Why can't I ever shut off my own sin-filled heart?

Why does it feel like Jesus is leading me down
this ridiculous path
and I'm sitting there
staring at it with my mouth hanging open
cuz I'm thinking
how IMPOSSIBLE it looks
for me to get through it?

Jesus... where are you?