so high school.

as i prepare to face
possibly the hardest day of my summer,
tomorrow...
i can't help but feel.
so.
nervous.

okay, so maybe i am being a drama queen--
no surprise there.
but seriously.
i just don't understand why..
people at my high school
make me feel so
insignificant
NOT worthwhile
uncool
little.
simply because i don't live the same kind of
lifestyle that they do...
or value the same things they do...
and though i claim i don't care what they think.
it does affect me a lot.
i shrink in their presence.
i'm ashamed.
i change the way i talk to accommodate them.
and hide who i truly am,
showing only what i think is acceptable in their eyes.
but why must i do this?
why can't i just be myself
and be proud of who God's made me to be.
bold and confident
and strong
in knowing that having God's acceptance
is SO much more than enough.
even if i don't have theirs.

if i want make a radical difference in this world
won't there be many people who are always against me?
won't i sometimes be required to stand "alone"?
why is it so hard for me
to LOVE God and fear Him
more than the opinions of this world?