knowing. vs. KNOWING.

You know there are things that you know.
And then there are things that you KNOW.
You know, like head knowledge verses heart knowledge.
And although the conversion seems very simple,
the distance from your head to heart can be oh SO far.
But do not FEAR! God is near.
He is oh so good in every way.
And I can testify that He has taught me everything in REAL LIFE,
taught me those things that I learned in my bible study the past few weeks in ONE emotional night.
So now I KNOW... no, actually I REALLY KNOW.

Last night...
I learned SO much about God's timing.
And God does answer prayers.
And He does it with His knowledge of me,
which exceeds my knowledge of me by WAY more.
How crazy!
He redoubtably searches my heart and KNOWS me, inside and out.
Not only does he KNOW what I want, but He KNOWS what I need.
I thought I wanted a break with friends in a new and exciting place that is colder.
But God KNEW that actually,
I wanted a break at a different kind of home,
full of rest, full of good food, full of family, full of sunshine.
I learned that I need to depend on God in all things.
And not just "depend" on Him, like I pray to Him.
But to ACTUALLY depend on Him as in I listen to what He tells me.
This oh SO valuable lesson came at a cost, though.
A VERY high cost, financially and emotionally.
For me, AND more importantly, for MANY others.
I now know the full extent of how my actions can affect others.
And although I am ashamed to have committed such an act,
I am not regretful.
I know this is what God used to break me.
I'm too stubborn--He KNOWS way too well.
Any other way, and I would not have listened.
This was my 4:30 AM wake-up call.
Which came 12-hours too late.
But now that I look back on it... I would have to say...
God is good.
And I know God uses every incident for my good.
To build me up into that person He wants me to be,
to do whatever He wants me to do.
So once again.... I'm at this spot...
That spot that I'm always at after I inventory the damage after the storm.
The point where I begin to make renovations.
And look forward to the sunny days and the storms to come.
At the same time, remembering what has just passed.
If I'm the house, then
I've lost all my decorations.
I've lost my wallpaper.
I've lost my glass in my windows, my electricity.
I'm stripped down.
I'm humbled.
I'm exposed and naked.
But I'm with God.
And for this,
I'm excited.