holy anger?

I am angry.
I don't understand my anger, either.
I don't really understand what's going on...
but all I know is I'm angry.
And I'm not angry at anyone in particular.
I'm angry at satan.
and hopelessness.
and probably myself:
my weaknesses,
my failings,
my lackingness,
all the areas where I fall short.
I'm angry with myself
about my lack of trust...

First of all,
I'm angry with satan.
I'm angry with him because he has such power over people.
Why is there evil in this world?
injustice? poverty? hunger?
Satan.
No, wait..
I'm sure that God willed it to be this way...
but...
It just makes me so so angry
that some people can't let go of the flashy things
that satan shows them in their daily life
and give it up for the everlasting God,
just because it is hard.
And I know that God uses the bad things
to make good things happen.
He takes the old
and makes it new...
But, really, God...
all that pain,
all that sorrow,
all that helpless addiction,
all that emptiness,
is that really necessary?
And wait, what I feel..
is that sadness or passionate anger?
Whatever it is...
It just stirs up so much emotion inside of me.
And I have no idea what to do with it...

Secondly, I'm angry with myself.
I feel so hopeless.
And even though I claim that I TRUST God,
in my mind,
in my heart,
there are so many areas where I'm
still trying to maintain control
rather than having released all those
worries
over to God.
Seriously...
what am I doing?
If I truly believe that God is Lord over all,
why do I still worry about little things like
boat dance tickets?
If I truly believe that God is Lord over all,
why do I still plan and daydream my future
months in advance?
If I truly believe that God is Lord over all,
why do I still feel like there are hopelessly
unreachable people in my life?

Seriously...
what am I doing?