the mirror.

The 'me' I see inside this mirror
right now, right at this moment in time,
is a whole different person
from the 'me' I was back before June 1.
Yes, I am different outwardly --
I have a new hairstyle,
a new ring and jewelry,
more fashionable clothes
and stylish shoes,
a different shade of skin from a tan
or lack thereof,
a few more bruises on my arms and shoulders,
maybe even different manner of speaking...
But inwardly,
I don't think I would be able to say
that I am that same girl who left California
for Korea, hesitantly, awkwardly, on June 1, 2009.

If you were to ask me how my summer was,
rather than to say, "It was good,"
I would have to say, as silly as it sounds,
"It was God."

I've learned SO much this summer.
I've had a packed summer
full of schedules, struggles, and scandals.
From the Philippines mission trip
to Centrifuge
to Yonsei Summer School and my granparents home
to my home and home church...
I've wrestled with everything from identity
to relationships
to seeking God
to finding home
to teaching kids.
But one thing that's been a constant in my summer
has been the fingerprints of God.
Looking back,
I see them EVERYWHERE.
I see Him EVERYWHERE.
I know for certain now.
there has not been a moment wasted,
a tear wasted,
a situation wasted....
God turned all those things into
a beautiful flow of events,
teaching me and guiding me.
All the while, whispering in my ear, "I love you,"
and healing my beat up, torn up heart.
Praise God for prayers answered.

In the end, I think I can say.
This has been the hardest summer of my life.
But also the most worth while.
And I know that I am just a little bit stronger
if not a little bit smarter than I was before.
And definitely more prepared for what's to come...

TIME: is of the essence

in His time
in His time
He makes all things beautiful
in His time
Lord please show me every day
as You're teaching me Your way
that You do just what You say
in Your time

could i talk to You?
are You listening?
would You let me ask the questions
that burn inside of me?
i am reaching out.
i am holding on.
feel like one of Your affections
but not quite like i belong...

-hope

I seriously cannot hold this in.
and I don't know what to do about it.
I've never felt so passionate and desperate
about something of this world before.
And it's not that I am in love.
Okay, maybe I am.
But it's not what you imagine.

I think...
the best way to put it is.
I am in love with those people.
Who are those people?
Those people who are suffering.

Those people who have had wrongs

done against them.

Those people who have no voice or
are in no position to speak for themselves.
I feel for them.
My heart breaks for them.
I don't pity them.
I am moved.
And I want to move. I want to act.
I want to do something about this.
I'm so frustrated that I can't.
What do I need to become to help them?
to bring them justice?
to bring them hope?
I don't want to be God.
And I know I can't fix every injustice
or horrible act that occurs in this world.
But I want to do SOMETHING.

Everything I'm learning about

in my international human rights law class

is making me think HOW BROKEN we are.

as a people.

It's just SO sad how cruel and unjust people can act.

And you would think that the law would fix this.

But there are SO many flaws to the structure

that is supposed to bring justice and truth.

It all seems so -hope. minus hope. hopeless.

But I know there's still got to be hope.

Because everything of God is GOOD.

And God is still God of this world...

Just to give you an idea about hope...
Even though I feel hopeless at the moment.
(because I'm looking at the world and not God)
I know God is still present here.
And there is still hope.
I see it.
For instance,
there was a genocide in Cambodia in the 70s.
If you don't know about it, I could tell you the whole story later.
But it was horrible.
It lasted 4 years. and 2 million people were killed.
And the people responsible for the mass murders
are just NOW being put on trial.
And in a court of law,
genocide is extremely hard to prove.
I can explain that later, too.
All of the 5 on trial deny that a genocide ever happened.
Except one.
And this guy, the reason why he admits everything
is because he converted to Christianity a few years back.
His testimony can be the ONE thing
that brings all 5 people punishment for their wrongs.
And the millions of Cambodian victims of the genocide
a sense of justice for their sufferings.

God is still God.
And God is still good.

HOME is heaven ♥

Revelation 21:2~8.

I want to sit at your feet
drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against you and b r e a t h e
feel your heartbeat. ♥
This love is so deep.
It's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace...
It's overwhelming.

my life's purpose ♥

speak. in this close communion
though this hour seems timeless still
i wait for Your words that bid me come...

breathe. in me Holy Spirit
the will when my tomorrow comes
to follow when this song is gone...

so i await the words that You say
i open my life..
i'm longing just to hear the words
that You say
that You say.

shape. me with words of wisdom
free my torn heart from this world
renew my mind and form my will... ♥

teach. me to wholly offer
more than words that i can sing
so i become the song i bring...

so i await the words that You say
i open my life.
i'm longing just to hear these words
that You say
that You say.

can i be
an instrument of praise?
and here pursue Your heart
so my life will tell of who You are.
can i be
a channel of Your love?
a reflection of Your light
and live to bring you praise and serve You, Lord

love at first sight

Isaiah 43 = ♥

as we serve your heart, serve your ♥

There is a difference.
And I've had a revolution.
There is a difference between...

Fitting God into my will.
and
Fitting me into God's will.

It's so easy to try to do life my way
and then sprinkle a little GOD on top of it.
Yea, I aced my class,
praise GOD.
I want to become a doctor
so I can serve GOD.
But honestly...
if we're doing life our way,
which means we're not acknowledging
the Almighty-ness and
the Allpowerful-ness and
the Lordship of GOD
over this world and
over our lives
why do we even bother
adding GOD to OUR picture?
If we're sufficient on our own,
why do we even need GOD?

See, I think that's where we fail.

Our tiny, insignificant, sinful,
egocentric, human minds
cannot grasp the concept of this
great, powerful, divine, and gracious
being. we call GOD.

I feel like I've been living the wrong way.
It's not. My life + God.
It's more like. My life = God.
I don't get to choose which parts of my life
I want God to be in.
I don't have that power.
And God's not the lost one.
I am.
God found me.
And He chose me.
And since He chose me,
He gets to choose which parts of my life
He gets to be in.
And He's chosen ALL of it.

I had life from the wrong perspective.
From the perspective that I'm higher than I really am.
And God is smaller than He really is.

It's actually very simple, though.
God is HUGE!
I am tiny.
And I fit into His will.
I am a tiny speck in His BIG picture.
Even though,
with my tiny eyes,
I can't see that.