i most definitely AM NOT

so i'm feeling super convicted right now.
because i'm super messed up.
and i just keep seeing all the places where i fail.
like i realized.
that i am such a hypocrite.
cuz although i preach justice and mercy...
i have none to spare for others.
i play favorites.
i don't love everyone.
i am biased.
i don't care about things that don't interest me.
i'm stubborn.
i hear others, but i don't listen.
i'm eager to express my opinions and talk about myself.
i waste so much time.
i spend too much money.
and i complain SO SO much.
and for someone with a lot of complaints,
i'm FORSURES lacking in action.
i know this is not a good place to be.
to wallow. and to sulk.
but this is me right now.
and this is really upsetting.
because even after hearing SUCH a good word today.
and having spent SUCH a good time with Jesus.
at the end of the day,
i return to focusing on me.
and how much i am lacking.
and how things aren't going well for me...
its as if i didn't learn anything at all.
i don't love.
i'm not patient or longsuffering or enduring.
i'm not trusting.
i'm not hoping.
i'm not joyful.
Jesus is not enough for me.
and this makes me want to lay down and CRY.